i just couldn't wait....

....because technically it's already Tuesday and i can't sleep. That's what i get for catching up on sleep this weekend. And i am remembering that i duly love writing, in nearly any form. and before i say this, let me say, life has been relatively painless lately. Even when i think its going to hurt, it never does as much as i expect...and that has me worried that my soul is perhaps succombing to the novacaine of this world...

What is life without pain? It's like the sky without the rain.

That's a song lyric from my early years, but i think it goes to the heart of a deeper problem. Perhaps 'problem' isn't the right word, but to quoth the Matrix, it's like there is something wrong that you just can't put your finger on, but something isn't right.....

The closest i've come is a lack of adversity. I've been wondering if that is what the 'American Dream' has come to....affluence and apathy absent adversity? [no charge for the alliteration, but you can tip your waitress if you like]. Seriously, though...is that what everyone wants? It's hit me as i've been told how much coin i could be reeling in after school, and how God gifts people to make money.

And while i believe that is true, i wonder, if we are faithing in the paper on which we have pasted 'in God we trust' and suddenly the rug is being pulled out from under us and used to cover the immense waste being swept into the finances of our future and that of our children's, i am left inquiring....what about an example of death to money? Where is the antidote to the sedated materialism of the masses?

We'll i suppose i'm rambling, but i have been observing how a lack of adversity sways my decisions and in essence, my life's course. I feel i've been insulated for too long. In truth i feel like Bond when he's ripping the hospital cords off himself and climbing out of the place in 'Die Another Day.' Maybe he's not fully healed yet...but i'm ready to get back into action.

Many friends around here have seemed to tell me the same things when we diagnose the situation of ourselves and those around us: this is a holding tank of sorts, for many it means something different and unique, for many it is perpetual bliss, and for nearly everyone it is outside reality, or at the very least, a suspended moment in time. Perhaps they are all correct, or perhaps they and i are greviously erroneous. Whatever the case, i do know this time and circumstance has had its purpose, and the Grand Architect has an infinitude of knowledge with resonance beyond the most distant horizon and beneath the most cavernous sea beneath....

My only conclusion is "to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." [Eccl. 3:1]

taxidermy for the body and soul, and a driveway you cannot park in...

This post covers essentially the past weekend and today, my first normal monday and workday in quite a while. In case she's reading this, Elle Woods the *ahem* Fox News Legal analyst and my current supervisor, i appreciate your generous understanding of my globetrotting ways and topsy-turvy life as i endure the most horribly inefficient and red-tape-stuffed process known to man. I know you understand, because you have gone through it. Eventually i may heed your warnings to run screaming in the other direction. But it was good to be back and actually building momentum of productivity. I know you are so very proud of me :)

This of course happened after i drove all the way from north of the springs, where i live, to the south side of town...and was promptly informed that the woodpile we were about to move [i had the morning off to do manual charitable labor] was held up by...you guessed it...lawyers. stinking lawyers. you know the joke...what do you call all the lawyers in the world put at the bottom of the sea? a good thing. [they of course would be wearing scuba gear...don't worry]
...sooooo i wheeled around and drove all the way back home, being as i was dressed like a lumberjack. I don't think the Focus dress code would like me throwing a tie on over my gray hoodie and flannel shirt and torn up jeans. Hmmm....maybe i should have tried that.

speaking of leaving things as they are in the interest of efficiency.....one of my Wharton School recommenders wants to be sent to the taxidermist when he dies, instead of creamated. I am not kidding. First of all, you must understand that Bobby Fischer the Chemist Inventor Idea Machine is not your typical individual. For one, he's probably one of the most brilliant people walking the planet. Second, he invents things. For fun. Things that turn into multi-bazillion dollar products, i'm pretty sure. The man has over 200 patents, and companies the world over have his sweet wife to thank for kicking him out of the house for at least four hours a day so he'll continue to come share his gift with them. She is to be eternally blessed for putting up with him [he is, how shall i delicately put this....a firecracker?] Problem is, he invents things at home too...just sitting around and thinking stuff up. He sits on the recliner and reads....patents. Not the newspaper...high technology patents. Probably understands them better than lawyers paid thousands of dollars an hour to write them, too.

He's simply my friend. On my Wharton recommendation forms, when they ask for 'relation to recommender,' i skipped past 'teacher,' 'supervisor,' 'mentor,' and 'employer' and just put "friend."

Anyway....somehow he's proud of me. How this works i shall never understand. My father is one of his best friends, and he somehow thinks i make him proud....he's won major awards and inventor-of-the-universe-for-2007 or something like that, and single-handedly propelled market moves of major corporations, i would guess....and wait, he thinks i'm the one who hung the moon???...nevermind.

He wants to be taxidermied. [is that a verb?] i'm dead [pun intended] serious. He keeps acting like he's going to die soon, which is crap, and my dad keeps 'ordering' him to work until age 100. The man is in his 70's and his mind is still quicker than greased lightning. So my dad comes to him the other day and says "Doc" [they each call each other Doc], you aren't going to get creamated, your wife and i are going to send you to the taxidermist and we'll sit you in the halls so you can continue to inspire other employees.

a few days later....the wunderkind assents! He wants to be stuffed and put on display to improve company morale??? Well...maybe he just wants to be put on display. The man has said more blunt and honest and holy-crap-did-he-just-say-that-in-a-meeting? things to captains of industry than well...than there are taxidermists in the South. Does anyone else find it comical that one of the most brilliant minds created by our Soverign God is talking about his body being processed in the same place where Bubba and Jim-Bo bring their yearly deer or two every thanksgiving?

well...moving on...speaking of animals...we have a one-ton pet named 'Monk.' Seriously. He is an angus bull that was raised as an orphan by our ranch foreman's wife. She is basically Doctor Doolittle meets Mother Goose and i swear she talks to the animal when we're not looking, and they probably understand each other. But seriously, because little Monk had no bovine mother, she became imprinted on his psyche as mom. So....even today, when he's not so little anymore [he is about 2200 lb. and the dominant bull no matter who you put him with], she can walk out there in the pasture and he'll eat out of her hand and you'd swear he's a puppy dog. That is the size of a Honda.

Well....i'm thinking of parking him in our driveway. At our new place, which is really nice and a great community, mind you, you can't park in your own driveway apparently. I have yet to figure out which genius dreamed this up, but you must park all vehicles in the garage. Hmmm....3 guys, each with one car....a 2-car garage....yea, lawyers can't do math, apparently. I'm sure there's some 'reasonable' explaination....like, it disturbs the asthetic beauty or breaks community monotony or actually serves the purpose driveways were created for?!?!? Cmon people! Seriously! You can't park in your own driveway?

Well i'm thinking of parking my pet 'Monk' in the driveway for a few days. I see people walking their dogs and they can go in the driveway...i see cats running in the driveway....why not Monk? How many dogs do you know that can give rides to 6 small children at a time? [yes, my Mother uses him to entertain her pre-school class each year, and yes...Monk is the most gentle pet ever, i am not kidding....these kids' mothers know about this and know he's entirely safe]. I rest my case.

Taxidermy for the soul....i think thats what these people need. Which, this is a tangent, but i think that is what is happening to many of us, and perhaps America as a whole. You know...the outer appearance seems the same and unchanging, but the root insides are removed and replaced with vacuous white cotton stuffing....

Am i an imposter?

I have been wondering that since i landed in Denver after flying from Dallas...my buddy Peter Gibbons [that's from Office Space, if you're unaware] the Babe-Magnet picked me up from the airport and referred to me as something on the order of a businessman. I was dressed in a suit, and talking on my bluetooth, i think that's why. The thing is....i talk on my bluetooth so my cell phone doesn't fry my brain and the convenient device only costs me 20 bucks [thanks to Circuit City's recent, ahem, woes].

The suit? Well, i went to Pepperdine and they made me check a bag because my suit cover counted as a carry on. So i just started wearing the suit each day i travel...why not? i'm single, after all [perhaps this is why i am single? wait...don't answer that]. But it got me thinking....am i really am who i say i am? [i can hear jared now...."you are who you thought they said i was"...its an inside joke...don't worry about it unless u saw the Dennis Green press conference after his Arizona Cardinals choked against a pathetically-playing Chicago Bears team a few years ago].

But i think that is what my good friend Will Ferrell/Jon Stewart the Conservative Talk Show Host is really getting at--authenticity. He finds the substance beneath the surface, and often uses humor to display his findings. He wants to know what people are really about, what places and institutions believe...and unlike myself, has a less direct and painful way of going about it.

So i wonder....am i who Peter Gibbons thought i was? Am i really going to be a professional adult soon enough? I suppose my business right now is forecasting potential for success in a venture that usually costs 150K or so [or 0.00000000873% of the stimulus package], and exploring and seeking opportunities for that immense funding being provided out of a university's endowment.
That is business, i suppose.

but i ain't got nuthin' yet, as the saying goes. I'm like the College Football Playoff--its got potential, but it still has to occur.

don't get me wrong, i feel fine about things. But i've been in a holding pattern for a year, and well...as we were cruising down I-70 in his Acura SUV i was reminded....God made me more than a device that can procure posh leather seats and timeshares and big-name clients or political endorsements. And i am more than the sum of my bank account and accomplishments listed on my resume.

the question is...since I claim Him and to be His....am i for real?

a most unusual transition day...

....i drove and stayed at my grandmother's, and had some extremely fortunate events propel me further south to Dallas, where i then met a good friend of mine [DT, are you reading this?] Doc Holliday the Magnanimous Mastermind. Ok, i know, you're not a space engineer. This man definitely understands me....when i got on facebook he was bewildered at the length of my 'information' section and recently asked for a 'cliff's notes' version of my blog. I think it would go something like:

March 2 - Dach...i'm at Pepperdine
March 3 - hey DT, there's a big ocean out here.
March 4 - i'm sleeping in Colorado....
March 12 - i'm catching lots of fish
March 13 - no, really, DT, they are actual FISH....i'm not woman-hunting like you always try to insinuate even when i'm like reading a book in a library or something
March 14 - seriously!?!? i'm in an actual boat....reeling in rainbow trouts of all sizes!

Well you get the picture. He thinks i'm girl-crazy because i talk about women...like...at all. The truth is, he is the mastermind between the two us, not me, and if ladies were more observant, they'd be clamoring to go out on the town with him even though he finds them to be the most mysterious and fascinating things in the world [zip it...i know you do].

You know the quiet person that if you pay attention, you realize knows more than most everyone in the room. Yea, that's him. But he's too humble and diligent for his own good, i think...and women usually gravitate toward the most loud and boisterous specimens among us carnivores....but that is another subject and blog post....

then i went and stayed at the same place i had last time i was in Dallas. it hadn't changed much, the remodeling has been on hold for quite a while. i learned a lot in just a few hours--about how far i had come. about how gracious God is to bring me mercy, and growth, and grace. you see, when i lived there a short year ago.....i felt like the house.

You know...foundation in need of repair, carpet non-existent. Working appliances, but a hole in the closet wall and a wall-less room in one corner of the house. A storage room that was nicer than the living room, but the potential to turn the entire thing into something wonderful.

And i realized, as Tim Allen the Consistent and Dependable Construction Worker and i drank all flavors of coffee, that God has indeed turned something desolate and run-down and abandoned into something of value, worth, and in parts--beauty. He is the great master mechanic of the soul, and somehow knows just what is needed to rebuild our lives when we've lost them amidst the swirling seas of strife or simply lost it all--and abandoned hope.

You see, CW is not really Tim Allen. He's smart, capable, and a man who cares for people, purely and simply. He's a man who's been through hell....at least twice, i'm pretty sure, but you wouldn't know it, because he greets you with a smile and asks how you're doing. And he really means it. He just cares about people, not for what they can do for him, but just because they are breathing. Because God made them.

God used CW and DT in my life in ways they, nor i, may not ever understand.

Reunion, of sorts...

....so we got home friday night and Mom was in Houston, so that meant it was basically two bachelors watching college basketball conference tournaments. You have to remember, my father still has the sleep schedule of a college freshman. No one's told him he's eligible for social security in less than a decade.

It was alright, but i must admit it was a drain for me. I could not wait to squeeze in 9 holes of golf that afternoon with my cousin Daniel Day-Lewis the Oilman and his children, along with Dad. I couldn't wait because I couldn't wait to get on the road and meet my friends in 'the city' [thats what people in oklahoma call Oklahoma City] for a cookout. i was the 9th wheel.

it was interesting...i had been brought there before, to that place, being a 2(x) + 1 wheel, with x representing any number of couples, married or nearly-there. it was a placed i had grown to detest, like a perpetual feeling that something was inerently wrong with me. this time was different. i felt like me again.

it was a fun time and i got to see some folks i hadn't in a while, and might not until eternity, who knows. then i stopped and saw a lawyer friend of mine before beginning my journey to the Dallas airport. technically these events ran from saturday into sunday.

The long way around can be the new one

So we packed up and left amid a 'late' start. Late, for my great-uncle Marlon Brando the Welding Business Owner, is anything past about when chickens rise and cows are being milked by dairy farmers that put in a good four hours before the sun comes up. What is ironic about this is that i had fallen asleep about 10:30 pm and woke at 4:30, with no alarm. I got lots done and was ready to roll even before he was. I specifically remember waking up and saying to myself "this is what normal people do," as in, get up around the time that i am often making myself go to sleep.

So we pack up the mobile restaurant-and-anything-i-would-ever-need-for-the-next-nine-years and begin driving. This is where the revolution began. The brand-new Yukon has GPS, which my benevolent elder duly enjoys. However, i'm not sure that he ever has used it on long trips, nor has it ever disagreed with him. By the way, here is a tangent: i know why all GPS have female voices--because men listen to them and most likely are soothed by them. Besides, no guy, when navigating, is EVER going to listen to another man's voice telling him to turn right on route 73 when the driver himself is positive beyond a shadow of a doubt you're supposed to go left when you see the red BBQ joint on the right. Women, on the other hand, have no problem trusting other womens' advice--and this is no exception on the road. This principle also explains why Oprah commands a near-cult following and any book she touches turns to gold. I'm convinced she could proclaim arsenic a good thing and millions of housewives would be serving it to their children.

But--moving on...the GPS directed us, of course, since we asked for it, the quickest way home. This meant going through a mountain pass which my great-uncle had never traversed. It was, of course, the most expedient path, and we soon were booking at a nice pace on the highway toward home. There was clear debate...the elders thought this was in error, since of course on mountain switchbacks our efficiency is decreased. I trusted the technology's knowledge of all road systems, and was merely calculating our highway time based on the 'miles to destination' display on the in-dash navigation system.

We of course made it home in less time than it took us to arrive by a different route, and the GPS was true to its word. This is not to say technology is to be trusted [i actually believe quite the opposite], but only that it is alright to change from 'the way we have always done things' or 'the route we've always taken.' There is more than one way to do things, and at some point, the older must heed that the younger might indeed have valuable input.

The other part of this intruiging journey was that it was long and difficult at first, and required patience. But then we were soon shooting on a 280-mile straight-shot section of I-40 with no stop signs or tributaries of traffic. Sometimes son knows best, but anyway....

i suppose i was surprised at the trip's content. there was a clear diffraction between those from Oklahoma and well....me. not that i haven't spent time there...i have. but to me the world is bigger than that...more importantly....God is larger than the version i was acquainted with when i lived in Oklahoma.

I do not believe this means anything other than my next step does not lie in the south. The effect though, i believe, was why my future was scarcely discussed and other than a few scant comments, you'd never know that God is pouring blessings out on me regarding graduate school. Its about God, not about me, I know that. i am merely expressing a feeling of isolation from extended family that i do not believe would exist if i were staying within 100 miles of them. it is somewhat mafia-esque, i believe. perhaps all families are. whatever the case, i'm stepping outside mine, and will be taking a new path--perhaps a long way around, at first....

Fishing in the White River--one day a pauper, today a prince

So maybe my luck in love is changing. or will be soon? Yesterday i caught one fish. ONE. well, i was finishing up my application for Pepperdine business school, which well, i'm fishing for a full scholarship on that one, too. So i sat out the morning session yesterday, but barely got on the board in the afternoon. Had that one little rainbow trout not jumped on my line at 4:25 CDT, i would not have heard the end of it from the guys.

Today...wow was it different. in the first 1.75 hours, i had gone 8-for-9. I had out-fished everyone else combined by nearly a factor of two. Which is hilariously ironic, considering i'm the most novice fisherman. I bagged 4 more in the afternoon for an even dozen. Speaking of dozen, i just got through watching a college b-ball game with a HALF DOZEN overtimes. that's like...10 more minutes short of a full second game! like a 16-inning baseball game. unreal. Syracuse won with heart, blood, and guts. kinda like Rocky or Rudy.

i was at ease today...i realized....just let it all go and whammo--the fish start biting. i wonder if there will be love notes in the mailbox when i get back, then? just kidding. but the point is i think God taught me a lot today, about fishing for what really matters [a blessed future, and success, excellence in school and scholarship] and the patience to realize that His best is yet to come.

i just hope my friends will be around to rejoice with me.....i've been around nearly all those closest to me in the past week's time. and i see a bunch more friends this weekend...can't wait.

so the final tally is colorado, california, illinois, oklahoma, texas, arkansas, and missouri--7 states in the previous 9 days. quite a tour.

and to those reading this, i must apologize...this has been a bit more journalistic than my usual blogs, i am tired and trying to catch up on posts.

tomorrow we drive home....we will be loading essentially a totally portable kitchen into a GMC Yukon and driving 500 miles tomorrow. my great-uncle Marlon Brando the Welding Business Operator [he's not really mafia, i just like doing movie character matches for people i love dearly] travels with more ice-chests than any woman has suitcases on a 3 day trip, i promise.

he's been cooking gourmet 5-course meals....i haven't eaten this good since being on a 5-day cruise, and i'm not even sure that tops this. i've gained back one of the belt sizes i've lost since lifting weights. yeah, i kinda missed both my workouts this week. that changes tomorrow, when i get back to having access to weights again.

why Dating = Law School shopping = Fishing on the White River

somehow sleep deprivation helps me focus on what is important in life. And make connections. I think its like electrocution for my brain or something--brings pertinent things to the surface. So i sleep through about half the drive from Oklahoma to Missouri, and then i'm awake as we make our usual stops there. Then we continue on to Arkansas and arrive at our cozy cabin which will be our home for the next 3 nights and 2.5 days.

And at this point i've slept 5 hours in a bed and 3 in a car in the previous 72 or so hours. i think it was 8 out of 78 at one point. anyway...i'm feeling it. We go to dinner and i had the biggest meal i've ever had...at least i felt like it. i was ready to pass out by 7:30 pm. Yeah, that never happens. The waitress was really cute and sweet and nice. i did notice that.

Which brings me to a conversation i've been having with various friends: this whole law school/b-school thing is just like dating. Really, it is...you put out lots of applications [i.e. make friends with various girls], then you wait to hear back. The ones who are really in demand [the top 10 schools and the prom queens of the world] put you on the 'waiting list,' which really means "i'm too good for you, but i might give you a chance if you jump through these hoops."

Well, for ladies, it doesn't always mean that.

And fishing is kind of like this, too. i realized that only when i stopped caring about catching anything and forgot my worries and frets about being-the-only-one-who-hasn't-caught-anything yet, i actually caught...a fish [you thought i was going somewhere with that?]

Nope, i'm still as single as the horn of a unicorn riding a unicycle on an island in the middle of nowhere. well, maybe not quite that single. but pretty close. which is alright. i used to think i wanted to get into the best school i could...but then Pepperdine grabbed my heart. I might go somewhere else, but Pepperdine sold me on their people, their warmth, their concern and priority on students, and well...the view is pretty nice, too.

But the point is, the scholarship doesn't just mean $ in my pocket, it means they want me there. There is a personal element. I actually would probably make more $ in the long-run by going to the most highly ranked school that admitted me and getting the fattest-paying job i could.

But its makign me think about women, actually--maybe the experience one day will be like this... she'll be drawn to me. i'm not saying she'll give me money. but i think she'll demonstrate she finds me very attractive.

i've been saying 'im on the wait list at Michigan, Penn, Virginia, ____, and ____" with those last two names being very amazing Godly young ladies that i feel i am on the 'wait-list' to buy meals for. i've been contemplating sending them a gift-card to a restaurant so they can have the benefit of a free meal anytime, and not have to worry while eating that i have a ring in my back pocket or something....that is how it seems these days.

i still might do that....i've been realizign maybe it is better for them to not have me on their radar. i mean, after all...i'm obviously ready to get married tomorrow, being as i'm going to school for 3-4 years and all :) really though, i have been irked by being mischaracterized, in my opinion. but perhaps i should just chillax and realize that, analagous to Pepperdine, there is a beautiful young woman out there walking around who will one day find my friendship very attractive, and i can donate my hard-earned cash to enabling her digestive system to a proper function and provide diagnostic simulation for her hearing and vision systems for an evening.

i'm sure the waiter will be printing out our wedding invitations during the meal so he can give them to us along with the check :)

...involuntary insomnia...

...and i arrive at 2:30 am, and my Dad is awake. For those of you who are not aware, my father is a deer. or a bat. or something else that never, ever sleeps. ever. He does not realize he is over 50...or 40...or 30...or 25, really. He has the stamina of a 21 year old and works and stays up all the time. Anyone wonder where i get it?

What other kid [yes, i am still very much a kid] comes home at 2:3o am and before he can even grip the door handle it is flung open and greeted by a 'hello Matt! welcome home' as if it is 2:30 in the AFTERNOON and the whole place expected me an hour ago.

so we cook late night nachos, potatoes, and deer steaks and watch the 3 am sportscenter, and then i have to get to work.

yes...i have a scholarship application due for the Jack Kent Cooke program and the problem is i did not get the ok via email from the nominating professor, on my essays,until i was mired in the internet-less O'Hare airport. with no computer, or way to work on my essays.

so i have about 2 hours of cleanup and essay submission to do for the scholarship.

except that my parents. have. dial. up. inter...n...e...t........c....o....n...nection. you get the point. i think its still trying to load my email homepage.
so after cramming 2 hours into about 5.25, it was then 8:30 am and we were meeting my great uncle for our semi-annual family trout-fishing trip.

i discovered my dad's secret: 'no-doze.' i downed one with a cup of coffee and jumped in the Yukon. and promptly fell asleep.

Chicago to Pointless interview to DFW car rental nazis

So Monday morning we leave 3 hours in advance of my interview. To drive 110 miles. Which should take 2.5 hours. Which actually takes 1.75 hours. So i have 70 minutes before my interview...tick tock...tick tock. Interviewers should let you show up early. I mean, if you're late, they are going to be mad, right? Where is the credit for being early?

Northwestern apparently prizes hard work, work ethic, and work experience. I didn't realize that was such a big deal with them, but definitely explains why they interviewed me. It went really well, and i caught public transport straight to O'Hare and missed, by about 7 minutes, catching the 3 pm flight instead of my actual 5:45 to Dallas.

O that i had.

We're about to take off at about 6:15 and then we do a pump-fake on the runway and circle all. the. way. back. to. the gate. We have to pick up a wheel-chair for a passenger. My only question is, if they weren't afraid of a disability discrimination lawsuit, would we be doing it? If a mother had left her newborn at the gate, would that child not be on the next flight? O well, maybe i'm just insensitive. Maybe i was just peeved this was something that could have been remedied, o, i don't know, in the 45 minutes we had already been sitting at the gate???

I think it just smelled fishy to me. Like a *cough cough...means bovine scatter in meaning and abbreviation* excuse.

Anyway, the flight was, well, we got there and i got some work done....and then i met the nicest people ever at the car rental counter. apparently there is a 2.7:1 ratio of taxes to actual cost. 2.7 times the actual "rate." i think the word should be "rake"...as in...they are raking you over the coals, and/or shaknig you upside down until the last pennies fall out of your pockets. yea, first time i rented a car.

but, then i drove to my friend Nacho Libre the History Professor's house and his wife fed me a burrito and dr. pepper. and then we smoked cigars, us guys, on the porch. mine lasted nearly two hours...as did our in-depth, quality, funny, and edifying conversation.

i may not see him again until well...who knows...heaven?

Food, fellowship, and fun...and then i got in a car and drove from 12:30 - 2:30 am to my folks' ranch....

A weekend...'in Chicago.'

Well, west of Chicago, with my 'second family' and my favorite church home in all the world. Its interesting to see how things have changed, how people change. You come back and people you didn't know very well, well, make you realize you really didn't know them all that well. And you know them less still than you thought you did.

And you realize you know some people more than you thought. And they really are your best friends even though you live a thousand miles apart and you really will be in each others' weddings. And then you promptly annihilate said friend in raquetball :)

it was the best game i'd played in at least 9 months, and man victory is sweet when well-earned. i skipped my workout with weights, but this cardio will at least help keep me reasonably on track, i suppose. what am i saying--i'm on vacation.

It was an interesting time...i forgot how much i missed my friends, and yet, how much both they and i have changed. i was glad to share my good news with them, and was dreaming of Malibu all weekend, really.

And it was 60-plus and sunny and i was wearing shorts on Friday. The next day it was 40 or lower and raining. ???

There was one friend i did not see, o well...things don't always work out how you plan. And i screwed up royally in being careless with my comments to that friend, too, also not what i planned. Seems i'm learning more about grace than i ever wanted to know.

i felt like Tim Robbins after persevering in Hope through the filth and muck sometimes life throws at you

i am close friends with the funniest man in America. You haven't heard of him yet, but you will. He is a cross between Jon Stewart and Will Ferrell, with a Christian conservative bent. Last time i was in Chicago i called him while waiting at the airport for my bus...he kept tacking on "in Chicago" to everything either one of us said.

So i called him and said "in Chicago." he was like...you're 'in Chicago.' Yes, J, yes i am. i thought i was beating him to the punch, but it just wasn't the same. It wasn't the same, either, when i got off the phone with him just in time to get a phone call from the left coast. Pepperdine. Full scholarship. As in, them to me.

I danced in the street. Not really a jig [inspiration: AH]...but, well, it was probably more like a geriatric being electrocuted or something. That, however, is not important. What is important is only that it was an instantaneous outpouring expression of my gratitude to the Father who always provides for His children. And I lifted up my hands to Him and just started thanking Him.

It was almost like that scene in Shawshank Redemption, actually....because it was raining. I should have taken my coat and shirt off, in retrospect. Ah well, the sense of relief was congruent. I feel so light, even still...knowing that this is indeed becoming a reality. And i might not have to incure a debt of such size that I'll need a fiscally irresponsible 'stimulus' bail-out from Obama when i finish my degrees.

So i was wondering why, exactly, am i here, then? The interview with Northwestern, at that point, seemed pointless. Then it hit me--because this has been the culmination of the most intense reclamation project of my soul God has ever undertaken--and now, for the next eleven days, He wants me to share in my rejoicing, especially over this particular opportunity, with my two families. Who each lifted me up and drug me out of the pit of despair and despondent depression during 2007.

That, i began to realize, is what this whirlwind series of adventures is really about--sharing my joy with those who have borne me through pain, sorrow, shattered expectations, and channeled to me His priceless grace over the years.

What a thoughtful God we serve.

The tour continues: Colorado to Chicago

My internet zapped out the previous evening for some odd reason, so i had to come into the office Thursday morning before my flight to Chicago. Like a true male, i had no normal food. I ordered a pizza late the previous night and, not realizign Domino's closes at 10 pm for carryout, showed up at about 10:03. The guy let me in. He could have had a free pizza, methinks. Nice guy.

And i only needed my suit for one day, on my Chicago trip, so I wore it on the plane. Which meant i had to wear it to work. I feel like Jimmy Stewart when i wear that thing. Its a pretty sharp suit, but perhaps over the top. I dunno. Anyway, everyone was happy to see me, which was neat, I suppose. I felt...embattled. Still do, at work.

Anyway, i didn't log any hours and didn't do any actual work, but only caught up on scholarship/school stuff, mainly getting things in order regarding my nomination for the Jack Kent Cooke graduate scholarship. Which is a huge blessing, to have that opportunity. We'll see what happens.

So i leave and pack on the way out of town and get dropped off by my cousin at 2:50 pm for my 3:45 flight. i was at my gate by 3:05. unreal. Except that the guy wouldn't take my extra bag of suits...so he made me check my initial carry-on. Not a huge deal, except when i was talking with him he was a total tool-box and just kept repeating the same thing over and over again. Like a broken record. Or a 4-year old child. Funny how the other airline employee had told me they would hang up my suitbag. because i'm sure a suit won't get wrinkled if its checked and stuck under a plane with 4732 other bags.

March 3 at Pepperdine

Pepperdine was still beautiful on the day i left, and i had a great time talking to the people in the MBA office, as well. apparently if i get my application submitted in a week [which i did], they will review it, well, tomorrow, so that's a blessing.

The trip home was a bit eventful. They had an 11 am cab for my 12:45 pm flight. problem is, its an hour from Malibu to LAX--if the 8,745,321 people that live there haven't all congregated on the freeway at the same time. In that case, its more like 2 hours. So the cab got moved up and i made the flight.

I honestly felt like i was leaving 'home,' i so fell in love with the place there.

March 2 at Pepperdine

did i mention Pepperdine is gorgeous?

well, i mean that in a different way, now. my glasses broke this morning. or should i say, when i woke up, they were already broken. odd. the funny thing is, i was worried about being swayed by superficial factors, before coming out here, and i had other believers challenge me to think critically about looking beyond the surface.

i had no choice but to listen today with my ears, spirit, heart, and soul. because i couldn't see a darn thing past 2 feet in front of me today. but the thing is, i realized there is so much depth to this place, there are men here dedicated to leading the school spiritually, in pursuit of a greater commitment and faith in God, not just in academic excellence. they pursue both, and that is not an 'either-or' dichotomy.

there is a very unique thing here--the Nootbar Institute for Law, Religion and Ethics. There is also the top dispute resolution program in the country, and a center for entrepenuership, as well. there are top quality faculty, and most importantly, they are the most accessible faculty in the country. look it up--grab the princeton review rankings. but more than that--it was evident in how they treat the students. you can see in how they teach, interact with students. i hope God leads me here, i have much praying to do.

that was the weird thing--i had prayed for Him to give me 'eyes to see' before coming...and then my eyesight was hindered today. my ocular eyesight. in reality, my spiritual eyesight was enhanced, for i had to listen to Him, yearn and strain to hear His whisper in the dark today. i love forced fasting from my eyes. so glad He took something away so i could receive so much more. really--i don't think i've ever listened more intently for an entire today. or been more aware of others.


ok...a funny story, before i leave you with this post. we had dinner with the faculty yesterday, sunday night. Church that morning was really cool--then i went home and saw the school brochure. on the front cover was the guy i had gone to church with. he is a servant, and truly so, b/c after spending the morning w. him i had no idea he is a leader in the law school and travels all over the world helping lead teams of Pepperdine students in helping 'the least of these.'

so back to dinner...i'm sitting there listen to one of the deans talk about his children. someone asks where they go to school. he stops. he waits. he appears to think the answer will come to him on a cloud, out of the sky. perhaps in an envelope someone is waiting to hand him.

the cool part of this story is his wife. she stopped everyone from helping him and said--he'll figure it out. she meant it. i mean, he has to be one lucky dude. she honestly was not offended, insecure, or anything. she gave him hints, patiently, lovingly, until it dawned upon him. i was shell-shocked. most woman would be ludicrous, or belittle their husbands, or try to sweep it under the rug...i learned a lot from observing that...and this:

she signed a release, with him, where they might lose their car.

no joke.

they were on a game show where each couple risked losing their car to win a newer one [it never aired]. the couple they beat had their car crushed into one of those pieces of metal that 'wall-E' stacks up all day.

no joke.

another couple had their stereo system chain-sawed in half. i am not kidding. the game show people came in and took personal items from each couples' home. they had to sign legal agreements saying this was ok.

this meant this guy's WIFE had to sign legal agreements saying this was ok. and...she did.
she does not seem like a careless woman though--only one who is willing to take risks with her husband. and she was the nicest, sweetest soccer mom you'd ever meet. but something tells me she'd be a tough beat in any competition.

my point is--i really want a marriage like that one day, where my wife, well..."the heart of her husband trusts in her" and for her heart to trust in me that much, too.

i'm telling you, it was crazy...mrs. law school dean talking about their beloved kitchen table on a conveyer belt heading towards a motorized chainsaw...and they get the correct answer--saving it in the nick of time. now that's adventure.

and the backdrop for this story was a splendid dinner in an enclosed room with a panaromic all-glass view of nothing but ocean...with a door open so we heard the waves crashing against the beach.....what a glorious God we serve, who spoke the universe and all His beautiful creation in existence....