Finally, my John Jay application was submitted today. I have been sick all week, and i am immensely TIRED. It's been an amazing week, though. I began internship duties at the department of public policy here at Focus, no long-term commitment from either party yet, but i think i'll enjoy it while i finish out the Institute work-study program.
Anyway, i am beat and looking forward to a movie tonight with friends, and probably Dark Knight for the 3rd time in IMAX tomorrow with my hilarious roomate. "Why so serious?"
I am so tired of weaving words like magnanimous and prodigious together with other 8-dollar words, as Rachel says. Well, ok, i like magnanimous a lot. But i'm tired of writing about myself and glad to be finished.
--August
Friday, August 15, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
John Jay, John Jay, John Jay [institute].....
There, that should let everyone find this blog! I was a little freaked out when told "yeah, we've been reading your blog." So people that i don't even know yet have been examining my thoughts, rantings, and experiences from one of the most formative times of my life. A little voyeuristic, it feels to me. Well, i suppose, depends on how closely they read it. O, well. Not that i have anything to hide--well, the fact that i'm still a kid at heart, that would be better kept under wraps :)
But alas, that part must be somewhat rescinding, it seems. Law school applications are staring me right in the face, as are possible job applications if the John Jay folks shun me [their loss, i know, their loss]. It really is a perfect fit for them and me...a match made in heaven in my opinion. As would be, you know, Stanford or Yale or Georgetown. After years of worrying about not being good enough, or paying for it, etc., i'm going for it. It's liberating, if nothing else, just to be in that position--daring God to out-bless me, as i've heard it said. Seriously, though, I have realized it could very well be a matter of obedience, as if God designed me with a top-shelf mind and interpersonal skills, etc., than I must put them to use in the most challenging environment possible.
Jared [my roomate, the other guy here doing a work-study at the Focus Institute] and i are having lots of fun. He's the most hilarious man in the galaxy, quite frankly. However, the overall adventure and fun level has quite decreased [come back everyone]. It's a bit morose with the community having been drastically shrunk. Still great to be here, though, and getting more things done for myself than i would be if the whirlwind of activity was still occurring.
Well there you go...and a random story. I was belaboring that i would like to grill for dinner tonight, and a few hours later, the woman above us who apparently is moving out, comes down and asks us if we want a gas grill! Thank you Lord, for that very unique gifting. So I am currently grilling chicken and feel very much at home even with everyone gone, as the smell of meat over an open fire always reminds me of home :)
In diligence and Christian obligation,
--Matthew
But alas, that part must be somewhat rescinding, it seems. Law school applications are staring me right in the face, as are possible job applications if the John Jay folks shun me [their loss, i know, their loss]. It really is a perfect fit for them and me...a match made in heaven in my opinion. As would be, you know, Stanford or Yale or Georgetown. After years of worrying about not being good enough, or paying for it, etc., i'm going for it. It's liberating, if nothing else, just to be in that position--daring God to out-bless me, as i've heard it said. Seriously, though, I have realized it could very well be a matter of obedience, as if God designed me with a top-shelf mind and interpersonal skills, etc., than I must put them to use in the most challenging environment possible.
Jared [my roomate, the other guy here doing a work-study at the Focus Institute] and i are having lots of fun. He's the most hilarious man in the galaxy, quite frankly. However, the overall adventure and fun level has quite decreased [come back everyone]. It's a bit morose with the community having been drastically shrunk. Still great to be here, though, and getting more things done for myself than i would be if the whirlwind of activity was still occurring.
Well there you go...and a random story. I was belaboring that i would like to grill for dinner tonight, and a few hours later, the woman above us who apparently is moving out, comes down and asks us if we want a gas grill! Thank you Lord, for that very unique gifting. So I am currently grilling chicken and feel very much at home even with everyone gone, as the smell of meat over an open fire always reminds me of home :)
In diligence and Christian obligation,
--Matthew
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Exhausted, enigmatic, and eager...
...for the future to be revealed. I know, i know, God is faithful and probably just teaching me more patience. I think I'm scared i won't get into John Jay, to tell you the truth. If i don't, then seemingly all the decisions i've made up until now will be succeptible to criticism. Which, i suppose, is the lesson God wants to teach me....if He doesn't provide the way, i need to be ready, willing, and able to handle and deal with criticism.
Graduation banquet was really unbelievably a fabulous time! They seated me next to the machete and lipstick man himself....that's right--Del Tackett. As president of the Institute, he was giving the keynote address. Our table had good conversation with him--though he was gone for a good portion of the meal, dealing with issues that came up. Anyway, he emphasized the importance of not settling for less than God's specific, UNIQUE calling on our lives!
This was encouraging for many reasons, not the least of which was the fact that Kyle's last words to me before leaving Illinois were "Matthew, don't settle for being a king if God's calling you to be a farmer [or some other more remedial occupation]". This was almost spooky to me, as Del used the farmer as his example as well. I think for me something in the government/public service sphere is the 'farmer,' occupation--its serving other people and using my gifts in ways that are selfless and frankly, usually uncomfortable to me. I have to depend on God, and learn to be sufficient in a blood-thirsty, usually cuthroat environment.
I'm looking at spending some time in the policy department here if John Jay doesn't work out. Have much work to do on my graduate school applications--letters to get from recommenders, and the GRE to study for [and maybe the LSAT again]. So my plate is full...i'm staying on in a work-study capacity for Focus for the month of August. The end of our time here was somewhat emotional....some of the letters and notes i got from fellow students really touched me in a unique way. We had a bonfire out at a friend's parents' house, as well. It was really a wonderful time...we ended our experience with a worship time led by a musically talented student.
My heart is somewhat torn, but believe God wants me here in the springs for at least another few months, possibly a year. Who knows. Every time i think i have a long-term vision, it gets changed or scrapped. I'm recovering tomorrow from not having gone to bed before 1:30 am for the previous 10 days....thats how busy things have been, between school, social activities, meetings, time with people, lunches, etc., etc. Its been ridiculous. This weekend at Breckenridge will be a much-needed and deserved time of rest and, mainly, catching up on sleep! And of course, beating my head against the wall on the John Jay Institute application.
Well, hope everyone is doing well....if you're reading this, please pray for me over the next month....it is going to be a crucial one. i've already felt this from various sides and in numerous ways....especially spiritually and emotionally.
--August...at Focus...in August
Graduation banquet was really unbelievably a fabulous time! They seated me next to the machete and lipstick man himself....that's right--Del Tackett. As president of the Institute, he was giving the keynote address. Our table had good conversation with him--though he was gone for a good portion of the meal, dealing with issues that came up. Anyway, he emphasized the importance of not settling for less than God's specific, UNIQUE calling on our lives!
This was encouraging for many reasons, not the least of which was the fact that Kyle's last words to me before leaving Illinois were "Matthew, don't settle for being a king if God's calling you to be a farmer [or some other more remedial occupation]". This was almost spooky to me, as Del used the farmer as his example as well. I think for me something in the government/public service sphere is the 'farmer,' occupation--its serving other people and using my gifts in ways that are selfless and frankly, usually uncomfortable to me. I have to depend on God, and learn to be sufficient in a blood-thirsty, usually cuthroat environment.
I'm looking at spending some time in the policy department here if John Jay doesn't work out. Have much work to do on my graduate school applications--letters to get from recommenders, and the GRE to study for [and maybe the LSAT again]. So my plate is full...i'm staying on in a work-study capacity for Focus for the month of August. The end of our time here was somewhat emotional....some of the letters and notes i got from fellow students really touched me in a unique way. We had a bonfire out at a friend's parents' house, as well. It was really a wonderful time...we ended our experience with a worship time led by a musically talented student.
My heart is somewhat torn, but believe God wants me here in the springs for at least another few months, possibly a year. Who knows. Every time i think i have a long-term vision, it gets changed or scrapped. I'm recovering tomorrow from not having gone to bed before 1:30 am for the previous 10 days....thats how busy things have been, between school, social activities, meetings, time with people, lunches, etc., etc. Its been ridiculous. This weekend at Breckenridge will be a much-needed and deserved time of rest and, mainly, catching up on sleep! And of course, beating my head against the wall on the John Jay Institute application.
Well, hope everyone is doing well....if you're reading this, please pray for me over the next month....it is going to be a crucial one. i've already felt this from various sides and in numerous ways....especially spiritually and emotionally.
--August...at Focus...in August
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Finishing well, open-heart surgery, continued athletic domination....
....you know, the usual things to be dealing with in the waning days of summer. I'm geared up and focused towards finishing things well here, at least for the program. Everyone is asking about the future, and frankly, a lot of it depends on how things go in two days when i visit the John Jay Institute. It would be the perfect thing to do for the next year while waiting on the grad school situation to be sorted out. It is geared towards training Christians intensively for grad school and/or careers headed towards public service, think tanks, government, etc.
The open-heart surgery has been occurring in the classes dealing with, well, everyone's heart, quite frankly. Relationships, family issues, designs for the future regarding these sensitive subjects.....i think there's a reason everyone is much more up in arms than before! Personally i know God is humbling me greatly through this--these are my areas where dependence upon Him is drastically increased, and i know that to stray from His path always has greatly detrimental consequences.
This is going to be a short post b/c i am insanely busy, and frankly, am off it concerning articulation right now. There's been way too much athletic activity [which has been good, in a way]....today i went on a great hike. I motored my way through many miles at a quite fast clip....ended up leading the pack, actually. We dominated in basketball late last week....it was quite an intense competition. Many bruises.....some of mine are still purple.
I've been somewhat frustrated by not having the time i've needed to get some thoughts out, on paper, and personal reading done....that will come soon, though, i have already planned accordingly....i'll be in breckenridge for a few days following the completion of the program here, staying with extended family. I know, tough recovery time :) seriously though, things keep ramping up, in terms of intensity, and i know this next week is going to be especially hectic. Monday is the biggest day for me, and frankly i've accepted that i won't be able to flesh things out until the meeting with John Jay is over. And thats a good thing.
If i have one more female peer or older influence unsolicitedly tell me how great a guy i am, incredible catch, etc., i think i may scream. literally! i'm thinking i'll let it rip at the top of my lungs. ok, obviously i'm not going to do this. It's been vitally encouraging to get this input from others [as i have my entire life], yet at the same time it feels.....patronizing? its late and the right words aren't coming b/c this is a matter of the heart, not the head. Deep down i do know they're being honest, but at the same time it just doesn't make sense with what actually transpires in that area of my life. I know God has been, and will continue to, protect me because He has the right one set aside as He does have me set aside and will match us at the right time. It just feels a bit fishy when we're talking at times about these issues, and concurrently i get comments, and all the while i'm wondering.....is God having fun with this? getting plenty of laughs out of this? i hope He's taping this or something. A voice recorder for my heart and soul....that's what He needs to be wiretapping right now.....very instructive.
Well, if anyone's reading this, thanks for caring enough about me to finish :) i know i can ramble and this particular post probably isn't the finest....but its real. Speaking of that, keep it real, and may you listen to He who wants to know us best, foremost, and at any cost, no matter unreasonable it may seem to us with our finite and often fleeting minds, hearts, and souls.
For His glory alone, your fellow pilgrim along the narrow path....
The open-heart surgery has been occurring in the classes dealing with, well, everyone's heart, quite frankly. Relationships, family issues, designs for the future regarding these sensitive subjects.....i think there's a reason everyone is much more up in arms than before! Personally i know God is humbling me greatly through this--these are my areas where dependence upon Him is drastically increased, and i know that to stray from His path always has greatly detrimental consequences.
This is going to be a short post b/c i am insanely busy, and frankly, am off it concerning articulation right now. There's been way too much athletic activity [which has been good, in a way]....today i went on a great hike. I motored my way through many miles at a quite fast clip....ended up leading the pack, actually. We dominated in basketball late last week....it was quite an intense competition. Many bruises.....some of mine are still purple.
I've been somewhat frustrated by not having the time i've needed to get some thoughts out, on paper, and personal reading done....that will come soon, though, i have already planned accordingly....i'll be in breckenridge for a few days following the completion of the program here, staying with extended family. I know, tough recovery time :) seriously though, things keep ramping up, in terms of intensity, and i know this next week is going to be especially hectic. Monday is the biggest day for me, and frankly i've accepted that i won't be able to flesh things out until the meeting with John Jay is over. And thats a good thing.
If i have one more female peer or older influence unsolicitedly tell me how great a guy i am, incredible catch, etc., i think i may scream. literally! i'm thinking i'll let it rip at the top of my lungs. ok, obviously i'm not going to do this. It's been vitally encouraging to get this input from others [as i have my entire life], yet at the same time it feels.....patronizing? its late and the right words aren't coming b/c this is a matter of the heart, not the head. Deep down i do know they're being honest, but at the same time it just doesn't make sense with what actually transpires in that area of my life. I know God has been, and will continue to, protect me because He has the right one set aside as He does have me set aside and will match us at the right time. It just feels a bit fishy when we're talking at times about these issues, and concurrently i get comments, and all the while i'm wondering.....is God having fun with this? getting plenty of laughs out of this? i hope He's taping this or something. A voice recorder for my heart and soul....that's what He needs to be wiretapping right now.....very instructive.
Well, if anyone's reading this, thanks for caring enough about me to finish :) i know i can ramble and this particular post probably isn't the finest....but its real. Speaking of that, keep it real, and may you listen to He who wants to know us best, foremost, and at any cost, no matter unreasonable it may seem to us with our finite and often fleeting minds, hearts, and souls.
For His glory alone, your fellow pilgrim along the narrow path....
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Captainhood....
'Captain' is my new nickname.....thrust upon me by many others. God has been showing me in the past week ways in which many do look to me for wisdom, leadership, and an exemplary standard of excellence. That is for His glory...for me excel that others may be likewise imbued with a desire for His truth, good deeds, and love. Those are the spiritual implications to me, anyway, of the past week. As usual, it's a long story, but basically the nickname began when i was football team captain....and we won in a massacre. It was bloody...very bloody.
I have been struggling with the loss of extreme intellectual stimulation, as Tackett and Leland's class has given way to the Bottomlys' more relational-focused class. As you all know, I'm quite a relational being, but obviously i'm 'better' at contributing to and absorbing from a more intellectually-minded course. Anyway, it has been a refining experience. As one fellow student has put it, the first half of the summer they 'rip your brain out, stomp on it, and put it back in,' for the second half they 'rip your heart out, stomp on it, and put it back in.' Well, that's quite harsh, and they don't stomp on it--they stretch it, strengthen it, greatly increase it's size and ability....but you get the point--its INTENSE.
God has blessed me much so with....i know this sounds silly....people taking an interest in conversing with me by asking me how i'm doing. This has not happened previously, and it has provided an open opportunity for me to talk through my struggles. This has been quite a contrast for me...i'm used to everyone seeing me as intellectually dominant and therefore without struggles [which we all have in one area of life or another!] or need for encouragement, being lifted up, etc. The fact that it has come through several peers, both male and female, has been very relieving and edifying...as from the Lord.
I guess the short version is that i am used to, in a larger setting, especially with those i don't know extremely well, having to look elsewhere for encouragement regarding my weaknesses and struggles. Things have been increasingly busy, as we enter the home stretch of the Institute. There is always too much to do and not enough time, this past week i have been very good about being disciplined with time, and keeping my priorities in order. More living options for here in Colorado....God has not opened any door occupationally yet past August, but perhaps those will come, who knows. My heart is still torn between Illinois and here....what wonderful community God has blessed me with being a part of in both places. There does not seem to be a wrong choice!
There has been much adventure and fun as of late...but God has me focused more on the broad-stroke view of what He's doing in my life....pray that i will continually be silent before Him, 'be still and know that He is God,' know Him and calmly, quietly obey Him for the coming steps beyond this. He has given me direction regarding a future opportunity, but it would not begin until January. Anyway, love you all, and miss you!
I have been struggling with the loss of extreme intellectual stimulation, as Tackett and Leland's class has given way to the Bottomlys' more relational-focused class. As you all know, I'm quite a relational being, but obviously i'm 'better' at contributing to and absorbing from a more intellectually-minded course. Anyway, it has been a refining experience. As one fellow student has put it, the first half of the summer they 'rip your brain out, stomp on it, and put it back in,' for the second half they 'rip your heart out, stomp on it, and put it back in.' Well, that's quite harsh, and they don't stomp on it--they stretch it, strengthen it, greatly increase it's size and ability....but you get the point--its INTENSE.
God has blessed me much so with....i know this sounds silly....people taking an interest in conversing with me by asking me how i'm doing. This has not happened previously, and it has provided an open opportunity for me to talk through my struggles. This has been quite a contrast for me...i'm used to everyone seeing me as intellectually dominant and therefore without struggles [which we all have in one area of life or another!] or need for encouragement, being lifted up, etc. The fact that it has come through several peers, both male and female, has been very relieving and edifying...as from the Lord.
I guess the short version is that i am used to, in a larger setting, especially with those i don't know extremely well, having to look elsewhere for encouragement regarding my weaknesses and struggles. Things have been increasingly busy, as we enter the home stretch of the Institute. There is always too much to do and not enough time, this past week i have been very good about being disciplined with time, and keeping my priorities in order. More living options for here in Colorado....God has not opened any door occupationally yet past August, but perhaps those will come, who knows. My heart is still torn between Illinois and here....what wonderful community God has blessed me with being a part of in both places. There does not seem to be a wrong choice!
There has been much adventure and fun as of late...but God has me focused more on the broad-stroke view of what He's doing in my life....pray that i will continually be silent before Him, 'be still and know that He is God,' know Him and calmly, quietly obey Him for the coming steps beyond this. He has given me direction regarding a future opportunity, but it would not begin until January. Anyway, love you all, and miss you!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Stuck in the train station, like Neo, and yet bursting forth with the issues of life...
I'm still working on a piece regarding resurrection, that has not yet equaled the force and luminescence of my gem regarding death, written at the outset of my journey into the wilderness to get my heart back a little over a year ago. Eldredge says a young man has to head up into the spiritual high country to get his core back. This has certainly been true with me, and it seems the completion of this process has occurred in the both spiritual and literal/physical high-country...a place rife with beauty, adventure, and stunning force. Anyway, future direction is indeed coming along, and recently my heart has been bursting forth with life. It is at this point when i realize that the last hurdle has yet to be cleared, and until it happens, i remain moored in what Thomas More called 'no-place.' That is not to say this encompasses all of my life, but well, i'm just like Neo when he's in the train station....powerless to remove himself from being stuck, and wholly dependent upon others to rescue him.
This has been the theme of this year for me, and especially the last few months. I have had several life-altering occurrences happen in the past few weeks, and especially recently. It is as if God keeps hammering in to me--you cannot fix yourself, you cannot do what I want you to do without the input and direct altering influence of others. The latest help was eerie...spooky. And i think it may be what God has been holding, waiting to release to me until i am here, having been obedient and finished well the first half of an endeavor that already has, and is continuing to indelibly change my life.
Life continues to flow from me. My brain continually works better and better [provided of course that i sleep :), which i haven't been doing much of lately]. The biggest symptom remains athletic prowess. This has never been evident with me, but its to the point that others are taking notice and mentioning it. No matter what the sport, i'm a dominant presence, thus far. And i have yet to be beaten at cards, chess, checkers, etc. I'm crushing all comers at raquetball....Tyler, you need to come up here and give me a challenge :) My point is not to brag, but simply to say this has to be God's restoration in my soul, for the only evidence i can point to for this is drastically increased confidence, which comes only from Him.
Well, it is late and i'm still groggy from a crazy-awesome weekend spent at my aunt & uncle's cabin at Breckenridge. We watched the fireworks show over a lake, inset amongst the beautiful mountain peaks....and we had Beethoven on the car stero. It was like being in a movie!
More to come later.....hope everyone had a superb Holiday celebration!
This has been the theme of this year for me, and especially the last few months. I have had several life-altering occurrences happen in the past few weeks, and especially recently. It is as if God keeps hammering in to me--you cannot fix yourself, you cannot do what I want you to do without the input and direct altering influence of others. The latest help was eerie...spooky. And i think it may be what God has been holding, waiting to release to me until i am here, having been obedient and finished well the first half of an endeavor that already has, and is continuing to indelibly change my life.
Life continues to flow from me. My brain continually works better and better [provided of course that i sleep :), which i haven't been doing much of lately]. The biggest symptom remains athletic prowess. This has never been evident with me, but its to the point that others are taking notice and mentioning it. No matter what the sport, i'm a dominant presence, thus far. And i have yet to be beaten at cards, chess, checkers, etc. I'm crushing all comers at raquetball....Tyler, you need to come up here and give me a challenge :) My point is not to brag, but simply to say this has to be God's restoration in my soul, for the only evidence i can point to for this is drastically increased confidence, which comes only from Him.
Well, it is late and i'm still groggy from a crazy-awesome weekend spent at my aunt & uncle's cabin at Breckenridge. We watched the fireworks show over a lake, inset amongst the beautiful mountain peaks....and we had Beethoven on the car stero. It was like being in a movie!
More to come later.....hope everyone had a superb Holiday celebration!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Adventure and F-U-N!
Well, this past week has been a doozy....the social and sports spheres have been going full blast, and we've been give our first exam, assignments, etc. So everything is coming to a head all at once. I don't even know where to begin....i suppose at the beginning of the week. Dr. Leeland's lectures are quite pertinent, practical, and perniciously pugnacious!
He emphasizes impacting the culture. To do that we must first understand it, the messages hurled at us all, and the worldview implications implicitly and indelibly imprinted on such media products and messages. Have i mentioned i'm on an alliteration kick? You guys should see my notes. Anyway, i have to go prepare for war [raquetball, which i have not lost yet :)], so this is going to be a short post. But I must throw a few things out there...this has been a most adventurous week...both in the classroom and out. I had a meeting mid-week that altered the course of my life forever. I have anticipated it and prayed for it for months, and it happened without any initiation of my own...truly a 'God-only' event [and i am reluctant to use that terminology]. This has opened up new possibilities and spurned me on towards them--and each of them involves a higher level of spiritual and intellectual challenge than anything previous. It is as if God keeps whispering 'you're getting warmer, keep coming....getting warmer,' in the game of 'hot and cold,' if you will.
Yeah, so i had more FUN Thursday than i've had in a day in quite a while. We had a dress-up dinner with everyone at the Founder of FFI's house! I came as part of group of those dressed in Native Indian garb....quite fun! The pictures are great. The entire evening was a blast, and i even won a door prize. Then i lost my phone afterwards....and was detained with a friend for more than half an hour at the entrance of the Air Force Academy [its a long....and hilarious....story!]. In the midst of this my phone was located. So I thanked God for that.... and not getting arrested or something. And we went camping yesterday, saw some wild antelope and had a great bonfire time with just the guys. Pure testosterone for a day....great male bonding, though. I'm going to rest up, possibly make a day trip to Denver tomorrow to reconnect with an old law-firm friend, and be locked and loaded for another great week of half-worldview training, half-relational emphasis. We shift mid-week into Roc & Bev Bottomly's class on marriage and family. And we get to hang out with Del when he gets back from his rafting trip in the Grand Canyon....good stuff!
He emphasizes impacting the culture. To do that we must first understand it, the messages hurled at us all, and the worldview implications implicitly and indelibly imprinted on such media products and messages. Have i mentioned i'm on an alliteration kick? You guys should see my notes. Anyway, i have to go prepare for war [raquetball, which i have not lost yet :)], so this is going to be a short post. But I must throw a few things out there...this has been a most adventurous week...both in the classroom and out. I had a meeting mid-week that altered the course of my life forever. I have anticipated it and prayed for it for months, and it happened without any initiation of my own...truly a 'God-only' event [and i am reluctant to use that terminology]. This has opened up new possibilities and spurned me on towards them--and each of them involves a higher level of spiritual and intellectual challenge than anything previous. It is as if God keeps whispering 'you're getting warmer, keep coming....getting warmer,' in the game of 'hot and cold,' if you will.
Yeah, so i had more FUN Thursday than i've had in a day in quite a while. We had a dress-up dinner with everyone at the Founder of FFI's house! I came as part of group of those dressed in Native Indian garb....quite fun! The pictures are great. The entire evening was a blast, and i even won a door prize. Then i lost my phone afterwards....and was detained with a friend for more than half an hour at the entrance of the Air Force Academy [its a long....and hilarious....story!]. In the midst of this my phone was located. So I thanked God for that.... and not getting arrested or something. And we went camping yesterday, saw some wild antelope and had a great bonfire time with just the guys. Pure testosterone for a day....great male bonding, though. I'm going to rest up, possibly make a day trip to Denver tomorrow to reconnect with an old law-firm friend, and be locked and loaded for another great week of half-worldview training, half-relational emphasis. We shift mid-week into Roc & Bev Bottomly's class on marriage and family. And we get to hang out with Del when he gets back from his rafting trip in the Grand Canyon....good stuff!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Extremely energetic excitement...
That could well describe the entire experience as a whole, and certainly the most recent week. Saturday was an activity day...which was really good because i hadn't gotten enough exercise to offset the classroom and reading hours. We golfed 9 holes...walking, which was excellent for our health of course, at the only course i've ever played on as rudimentary and underdeveloped as Dixon's and Waurika's....it was actually worse. Why? Well, let's just say we had a wide spectrum of skill levels and many did not want excessive expenditures [yes, i am on an alliteration kick and 'e' is the current letter running through my head!]. Anyway, then i played raquetball for the first time at the YMCA [which it has been interesting to come across the account of its origins, in some of the readings for class], which made me wish i was playing with Dave & Tyler, but alas, better than nothing.
Well, probably one of my biggest highlights thus far has been that we just got to C.S. Lewis's 'Abolition of Man.' It is the only book we have been assigned to read aloud as a group, section by section. Apparently my past experience has benefited others, as i was told i was able to translate from Lewisian language to plain English....one fellow student said it was 'like eating rocks' to read it, and it 'wasn't even English.' It really made my day to be told i helped others understand it...and it also put things into some perspective for me, really encouraged me to know my brain helps others instead of just an isolated system to myself. It also helped me understand some of why i often feel as if very few understand me, the way i think, the way i speak, etc.
Dr. Leeland began his lectures today...with a clip from the Matrix, about making a choice, the red pill or the blue pill....and that the church has been taking the 'blue pill' of ignorance and apathy for entirely too long! I wanted to stand up on the table and pump my fist in the air...
Dr. Leeland is quite adament on 'worldview,' and extremely passionate about discussing things from popular culture like movies and music, etc. This quite excites me, for there is so much that is pertinent to the predicament of modern culture that we skip over and around....we are afraid of confrontation. Recent reading of Schaeffer's 'The Great Evangelical Disaster' has lent a most accurate quote: "Truth demands confrontation....loving confrontation, but confrontation nonetheless." And speaking of confrontation, there is going to be some confrontation on the sports scene....it appears i'm one of the team captains...football, actually. This is quite not exactly what i expected! But am happy to serve in helping coordinate things. Our hikes keep getting rained out, so this will balance the classroom and reading time with outdoor time, it seems.
Well i ramble, and feel this is haphazard and low-quality writing, but there is much to attend to, we get our first exam tomorrow, and i am scrambling to keep up with all that God has put before me. His still small voice has grown louder in my ears these past few weeks, and i am humbled and touched that He loves me enough to speak so tenderly and relevantly into my life!
Much love to you all,
--MGM
Well, probably one of my biggest highlights thus far has been that we just got to C.S. Lewis's 'Abolition of Man.' It is the only book we have been assigned to read aloud as a group, section by section. Apparently my past experience has benefited others, as i was told i was able to translate from Lewisian language to plain English....one fellow student said it was 'like eating rocks' to read it, and it 'wasn't even English.' It really made my day to be told i helped others understand it...and it also put things into some perspective for me, really encouraged me to know my brain helps others instead of just an isolated system to myself. It also helped me understand some of why i often feel as if very few understand me, the way i think, the way i speak, etc.
Dr. Leeland began his lectures today...with a clip from the Matrix, about making a choice, the red pill or the blue pill....and that the church has been taking the 'blue pill' of ignorance and apathy for entirely too long! I wanted to stand up on the table and pump my fist in the air...
Dr. Leeland is quite adament on 'worldview,' and extremely passionate about discussing things from popular culture like movies and music, etc. This quite excites me, for there is so much that is pertinent to the predicament of modern culture that we skip over and around....we are afraid of confrontation. Recent reading of Schaeffer's 'The Great Evangelical Disaster' has lent a most accurate quote: "Truth demands confrontation....loving confrontation, but confrontation nonetheless." And speaking of confrontation, there is going to be some confrontation on the sports scene....it appears i'm one of the team captains...football, actually. This is quite not exactly what i expected! But am happy to serve in helping coordinate things. Our hikes keep getting rained out, so this will balance the classroom and reading time with outdoor time, it seems.
Well i ramble, and feel this is haphazard and low-quality writing, but there is much to attend to, we get our first exam tomorrow, and i am scrambling to keep up with all that God has put before me. His still small voice has grown louder in my ears these past few weeks, and i am humbled and touched that He loves me enough to speak so tenderly and relevantly into my life!
Much love to you all,
--MGM
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Veni, Vidi, Vici......ah yes, sweet victory!
For those who are non-nerds, 'Veni, Vidi, Vici' is Latin for what Caesar said after emerging victorious in battle, meaning 'i came, i saw, i conquered.' Monday night there was a picnic with our best meal yet [Olive Garden catered] and then we had a sports time. Yours truly was a bit hesitant to play football, but i decided to fling all caution and inhibitions to the wind and throw myself into the field of battle with reckless abandon. Surprisingly, my underdog team emerged valiantly victorious, and i was somehow athletically skilled....for one evening at least. It really was a unique experience. I had quite a few interceptions and several touchdowns....including the winning one! Then they decided to play soccer....to make a long story short i scored the winning goal [on the best player on the field] and my hilarious teammates first dogpiled me in the middle of the field, then hoisted me on their shoulders and carried me around without letting me down. I was, of course, extremely embarrassed and self-conscious! But their loving gesture and comments eventually eroded that, I suppose. I thought they were a bit out of line until several others went out of their way to compliment my performance. I know this sounds silly to say, but i don't think i've ever performed that well in any athletic contest, and never received praise for it in that way....at least not for an informal event!
It was extremely exciting for me, discovering that i have the ability to succeed in things i have always told myself and others that i am limited and not talented at! Most importantly, our team played entirely over its head and beat a superior team. An interesting development is that afterwards the suggestion was put forth for a regular sports team contest [think 'Cheaper by the Dozen 2' family rivalry style!] to be played out throughout the summer......should be a blast if it indeed comes together. No word yet on whether any events will involve contestants falling into a lake, or something like that.
Well this is a short post, but i couldn't contain myself....i have never been the hero, athletically, anyway :) Of course i feel more comfortable heading back to the land of learning. Sadly, tomorrow is Dr. Tackett's last lecture to us :( We had a fabulous set of guest lecturer's yesterday, one of who was Focus's senior public policy analyst, Carrie Gordon Earll, and the other Mike Haley, a former homosexual who leads a powerful ministry called 'Love One Out' of the community into the church. Mrs. Earll focused on Bioethics, especially regarding abortion and stem cell research. Powerful stuff, all around! I have so much more churning through my cranium at the moment, but will save the intellectual ramblings for a later post....suffice it to say that I have been sufficiently calmed and am in stride, hitting on all cylinders, mentally speaking :)
Hope this finds all of you well and living to His fullest for His glory!
Humbly amazed at His grandeur.....your overachieving friend :)
It was extremely exciting for me, discovering that i have the ability to succeed in things i have always told myself and others that i am limited and not talented at! Most importantly, our team played entirely over its head and beat a superior team. An interesting development is that afterwards the suggestion was put forth for a regular sports team contest [think 'Cheaper by the Dozen 2' family rivalry style!] to be played out throughout the summer......should be a blast if it indeed comes together. No word yet on whether any events will involve contestants falling into a lake, or something like that.
Well this is a short post, but i couldn't contain myself....i have never been the hero, athletically, anyway :) Of course i feel more comfortable heading back to the land of learning. Sadly, tomorrow is Dr. Tackett's last lecture to us :( We had a fabulous set of guest lecturer's yesterday, one of who was Focus's senior public policy analyst, Carrie Gordon Earll, and the other Mike Haley, a former homosexual who leads a powerful ministry called 'Love One Out' of the community into the church. Mrs. Earll focused on Bioethics, especially regarding abortion and stem cell research. Powerful stuff, all around! I have so much more churning through my cranium at the moment, but will save the intellectual ramblings for a later post....suffice it to say that I have been sufficiently calmed and am in stride, hitting on all cylinders, mentally speaking :)
Hope this finds all of you well and living to His fullest for His glory!
Humbly amazed at His grandeur.....your overachieving friend :)
Monday, June 16, 2008
The unlocked safe of my larynx, smoke billowing under the door of Zion, and the vacuousness of the cube from the worst Indiana Jones movie
The last bit is an off-the-wall analogy...and i admit, one that's a bit far out in an elliptical orbit [my roommate explains my brain's activity as being in a far-reaching interplanetary orbit]. It has become quite apparent to me that much creative mental energy is seeping out through my notes and both written & verbal ramblings, both within class and without. We have been discussing the fallacies inherent in the argument from Humanist of the Year in 1981 Carl Sagan that 'the cosmos' is all there is or ever will be. Dr. Tackett has used as an illustration that most of the materialist/humanist/naturalist view can be thought of as a magic cube, within which absolutely all of existence and the universe itself is contained. This made me think of the cube from the latest Indy Jones movie, because the concept is just as stupid and inadequate as that flick was, I suppose!
The overlay of much of the material we're going through right now is, you might say, the world as presented as 'The Tale of Two Fathers,' with the Father of Lights' eternal and transcendent Truth warring against the Father of Lies and his half-truths, lies, and deception. Well i've scrawled a plethora of notes, but the punch line is basically "Do you really believe what you really believe is really REAL?" Which in my opinion is a most pervasive and relevant question. Were the answer to be yes for even 10% of the Body of Christ, the Gospel would be rumbling through the streets and setting the captives free with the intensity of a rampaging wildfire. The image has been used quite forcefully that the smoke has been billowing under the door, ideologically speaking, of our nation for quite some time now...and the fire does not trail too far behind.
Overall i'd say this is the beginning of my cup being filled up, if you will. It has certainly been emptied in past years....that is something that has been extremely personally comforting....Dr. Tackett speaks of God taking him through 'cocoons' of trial, tribulation, and death leading to new life. Very reassuring to know that i am not the only one God works this way through. And its so euphorically enthusiastically energizing to go through many consecutive hours of lecture and never check the time. Which brings me to the most peaceful part of things here....God has restored my voice. It has been for years that my vocal chords have not fully expressed praise to Him....and before i got here He used a can-opener to crack the lid....and i began singing to Him in corporate and even private settings. To do it here has been quite different, and shocking to me, because i've been adoring Him with and in front of [literally, as i'm in the catbird seat in class every day] those i don't know, relative strangers, at least initially. He has been pouring out through me words and praises too long held back....praise be to our patient, omnipotent, and gracious Father of Lights and all Truth!
Probably the song that has pierced me most has been one not sung in class or church or any other corporate gathering....Third Day's "Love Heals Your Heart." And the mountains shout and scream praises to Him, if we will but have ears to hear. Alright, into the realm of incidentals...the weekend was a dichotomy of activity and rest....after the rafting and reading all day Saturday, i took Sunday completely off as a rest day, except church of course. The Father's Day sermon was quite moving....and encouraging. Spent time with a good friend here who is about to travel to Europe in a few days, very mutually enriching. Had my first day apart from the Focus community, and it was good to decompress and process more fully the events of one of the most intense, full weeks of my life! Haven't quite got back up to speed, and many [including Tackett] were under the weather today....had to gear down some :)
The overlay of much of the material we're going through right now is, you might say, the world as presented as 'The Tale of Two Fathers,' with the Father of Lights' eternal and transcendent Truth warring against the Father of Lies and his half-truths, lies, and deception. Well i've scrawled a plethora of notes, but the punch line is basically "Do you really believe what you really believe is really REAL?" Which in my opinion is a most pervasive and relevant question. Were the answer to be yes for even 10% of the Body of Christ, the Gospel would be rumbling through the streets and setting the captives free with the intensity of a rampaging wildfire. The image has been used quite forcefully that the smoke has been billowing under the door, ideologically speaking, of our nation for quite some time now...and the fire does not trail too far behind.
Overall i'd say this is the beginning of my cup being filled up, if you will. It has certainly been emptied in past years....that is something that has been extremely personally comforting....Dr. Tackett speaks of God taking him through 'cocoons' of trial, tribulation, and death leading to new life. Very reassuring to know that i am not the only one God works this way through. And its so euphorically enthusiastically energizing to go through many consecutive hours of lecture and never check the time. Which brings me to the most peaceful part of things here....God has restored my voice. It has been for years that my vocal chords have not fully expressed praise to Him....and before i got here He used a can-opener to crack the lid....and i began singing to Him in corporate and even private settings. To do it here has been quite different, and shocking to me, because i've been adoring Him with and in front of [literally, as i'm in the catbird seat in class every day] those i don't know, relative strangers, at least initially. He has been pouring out through me words and praises too long held back....praise be to our patient, omnipotent, and gracious Father of Lights and all Truth!
Probably the song that has pierced me most has been one not sung in class or church or any other corporate gathering....Third Day's "Love Heals Your Heart." And the mountains shout and scream praises to Him, if we will but have ears to hear. Alright, into the realm of incidentals...the weekend was a dichotomy of activity and rest....after the rafting and reading all day Saturday, i took Sunday completely off as a rest day, except church of course. The Father's Day sermon was quite moving....and encouraging. Spent time with a good friend here who is about to travel to Europe in a few days, very mutually enriching. Had my first day apart from the Focus community, and it was good to decompress and process more fully the events of one of the most intense, full weeks of my life! Haven't quite got back up to speed, and many [including Tackett] were under the weather today....had to gear down some :)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Machetes, lipstick, and a thrift store hat
Thus far my favorite aspect of being 'institutionalized,' if you will, has been the sheer intensity of intellectual and spiritual stimulation, sharpening, and thought-provoking conversation, insight, and yes, debate! For the first few days there were several conversations with roomates where they either exasperatedly walked away or had to calm me down....ok, i admit, i was a bit hyper, if you will, at the prospect of extended conversation on such scintillating subject matter! Well i held most of it in until class, and now my outlet for debate has come in class with Dr. Del Tackett himself. This has not been, nor is, my specific intention. It is simply a product of God's giftedness in me oozing out when someone lectures so amazingly! How can i not respond in kind, with the full force and cogently 'Focus-ed' thoughts that generate from such an experience???
Don't worry, i'm not in detention, and no one is going to send me home, Dave! It's biblical, too! We're supposed to share what we learn with our teachers, yes? In all seriousness, i've calmed down some, but there have been good outcomes outside Dr. Tackett's or my own edification, as other students have told me they have me backed up, to keep throwing things out there, and still others mention to me questions they wish to ask but feel cannot due to their inability to hold intense debate with a man who regularly defends the Faith against world-class thinkers. Guess i'm just too dumb to not know i'm not supposed to be able to hold my own with him? And besides, does the class as an entity obtain more or less when the conversation moves further beyond the predetermined path of Powerpoint slides?
Well anyway, Dr. Tackett is the man behind 'The Truth Project,' which in my opinion is one of the most revolutionary advances in sharing the gospel. Much of the material we are currently learning oscillates within this framework, and i can see concise, crystal-clear connections of most if not all the books we're reading to this curriculum. Oh yeah, and he waves a machete around during class....its great! He's emphasizing at times our need to defend the faith, and the latest instance was a visual demonstration of God equipping the state to bear the sword at times...he was lecturing out of Romans 13. The thing I love about his lectures are they are multi-faceted, diverse, and stem from the Bible, yet connect, like spokes from the hub of a wheel, to so many other arts, literary works, current events, classics, etc.
Lipstick....yeah, i may get in trouble for blogging about this :) Let's just say it takes a real man to tell an embarrassing story about himself. And my respect level for him went up, way up, when listening to the anecdote. Actually it was a testimony to his committed dedication to sharing the gospel and obeying God in speaking to a group of people...he was so focused [well i guess i made that pun again] on what he was doing that he had forgotten about....yeah, well anyway, moving on....
Strange things have occurred ever since i arrived here, all of which have been very good. It started with an in-depth discussion on the deepest religious, spiritual, ideological, philosophical, and intellectual questions in life with a dear friend and cousin of mine. We have never spoken this openly, honestly, and confrontationally before. God was more glorified in my speech than ever before. This happened the first night i was here. I have had several instances of that same 'flavor' of conversation since, as well. God is communicating extremely transparently through me right now. Probably the strangest one was when a thought came into my head that ended up being exactly what the guy i asked [out of the blue] did for a living, which opened him up to talk about it with our group. A seemingly minor thing, but it was beneficial for what God wanted to do in that time and place for him, it seems.
Well i am rambling, i wish i could communicate the entirety and intensity of everything encompassed in my experiences thus far, but i will close with some details which i find incidental but most find consequential: we are reading between 100-150 pages a night. Well, not all of us are doing that, but it's my favorite [and most jealously-guarded activity] part of things, anyway. Class is followed by an open forum for questions with Dr. Tackett [and of course, sporadic machete-waving :) ] There is hiking once a week, it seems. I have gone once and will go again at some time, i think. We went rafting today, which was quite an experience. Romans 1:20 was screaming and streaming through my head with every glimpse of God's glorious grandeur greatly displayed through His created things. My roomates and i have taken the vast majority of spots in an early-bird [no this is not a typo, i am rising extra-early here!] pre-class discipleship group with Dr. Roc Bottomly. Ironically he hails from Oklahoma. He is one of the most humble, wise, gentle men i have ever been graced with the occasion to encounter. There was also a luau held by students in which costumes were involved. Apparently i was a prominent 'hit' during the festivities due to a hat purchased at goodwill by roomates [i like to think it's my amiable and effervescent personality, but they claim it was purely and only the hat]. It was a good opportunity for everyone to become better acquainted, I suppose. I guess it's just my 'learner' and 'teacher' heart that wishes everyone would attend to their readings with equitable diligence exercised concerning social activities, but alas, if the world was full of intellectuals it would indeed be a most dreadful place. At least we can clearly identify ourselves with machetes, lipstick, and goofy straw Hawaiian hats!
Don't worry, i'm not in detention, and no one is going to send me home, Dave! It's biblical, too! We're supposed to share what we learn with our teachers, yes? In all seriousness, i've calmed down some, but there have been good outcomes outside Dr. Tackett's or my own edification, as other students have told me they have me backed up, to keep throwing things out there, and still others mention to me questions they wish to ask but feel cannot due to their inability to hold intense debate with a man who regularly defends the Faith against world-class thinkers. Guess i'm just too dumb to not know i'm not supposed to be able to hold my own with him? And besides, does the class as an entity obtain more or less when the conversation moves further beyond the predetermined path of Powerpoint slides?
Well anyway, Dr. Tackett is the man behind 'The Truth Project,' which in my opinion is one of the most revolutionary advances in sharing the gospel. Much of the material we are currently learning oscillates within this framework, and i can see concise, crystal-clear connections of most if not all the books we're reading to this curriculum. Oh yeah, and he waves a machete around during class....its great! He's emphasizing at times our need to defend the faith, and the latest instance was a visual demonstration of God equipping the state to bear the sword at times...he was lecturing out of Romans 13. The thing I love about his lectures are they are multi-faceted, diverse, and stem from the Bible, yet connect, like spokes from the hub of a wheel, to so many other arts, literary works, current events, classics, etc.
Lipstick....yeah, i may get in trouble for blogging about this :) Let's just say it takes a real man to tell an embarrassing story about himself. And my respect level for him went up, way up, when listening to the anecdote. Actually it was a testimony to his committed dedication to sharing the gospel and obeying God in speaking to a group of people...he was so focused [well i guess i made that pun again] on what he was doing that he had forgotten about....yeah, well anyway, moving on....
Strange things have occurred ever since i arrived here, all of which have been very good. It started with an in-depth discussion on the deepest religious, spiritual, ideological, philosophical, and intellectual questions in life with a dear friend and cousin of mine. We have never spoken this openly, honestly, and confrontationally before. God was more glorified in my speech than ever before. This happened the first night i was here. I have had several instances of that same 'flavor' of conversation since, as well. God is communicating extremely transparently through me right now. Probably the strangest one was when a thought came into my head that ended up being exactly what the guy i asked [out of the blue] did for a living, which opened him up to talk about it with our group. A seemingly minor thing, but it was beneficial for what God wanted to do in that time and place for him, it seems.
Well i am rambling, i wish i could communicate the entirety and intensity of everything encompassed in my experiences thus far, but i will close with some details which i find incidental but most find consequential: we are reading between 100-150 pages a night. Well, not all of us are doing that, but it's my favorite [and most jealously-guarded activity] part of things, anyway. Class is followed by an open forum for questions with Dr. Tackett [and of course, sporadic machete-waving :) ] There is hiking once a week, it seems. I have gone once and will go again at some time, i think. We went rafting today, which was quite an experience. Romans 1:20 was screaming and streaming through my head with every glimpse of God's glorious grandeur greatly displayed through His created things. My roomates and i have taken the vast majority of spots in an early-bird [no this is not a typo, i am rising extra-early here!] pre-class discipleship group with Dr. Roc Bottomly. Ironically he hails from Oklahoma. He is one of the most humble, wise, gentle men i have ever been graced with the occasion to encounter. There was also a luau held by students in which costumes were involved. Apparently i was a prominent 'hit' during the festivities due to a hat purchased at goodwill by roomates [i like to think it's my amiable and effervescent personality, but they claim it was purely and only the hat]. It was a good opportunity for everyone to become better acquainted, I suppose. I guess it's just my 'learner' and 'teacher' heart that wishes everyone would attend to their readings with equitable diligence exercised concerning social activities, but alas, if the world was full of intellectuals it would indeed be a most dreadful place. At least we can clearly identify ourselves with machetes, lipstick, and goofy straw Hawaiian hats!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Soli Deo Gloria
...meaning "for His glory alone" i knew my Latin would come in handy :) There could not be a more appropriate banner to hang in the Focus on the Family Institute classroom. This has been the grand struggle of my life, frankly....as so many have accorded me the vain praise of men and glory of worldly accomplishment. This has thus far been the most glory to God i have been, in my estimation, as I have been most fully alive in Him and pursuing His truth voraciously, vehemently, and with vivid imagination.
The purposes for me being here were reinforced and more intensely articulated during the first weekend, which was mainly orientation activities. We did team-building activities outdoors, listened to a few introductory informal lectures from staff, and began to become acquainted with each other. It seemed to me that God was telling me that an extremely large part of bringing me here was to teach me to trust people again....new people--'strangers.' That is not to say all strangers can be trusted of course. However, there is a degree of safety and security, spiritually speaking, here that I have not sensed before....even at Summit.
This makes sense, as God has grown the ministry from a 2-room office in 1977 with a scant few part-time employees to an international conglomerate boasting over 1300 employees and a budget reaching into the hundreds of millions each year. My initial reaction was....thank you, God, for being so patient with me and giving me an opportunity to learn your ways again in this arena of my life. The other purpose explicitly revealed was that I have always either been put in the place, or taken the place myself, of attempting to 'do everything' in relation to whomever i am working with, matriculating in school with, or doing church and/or life with.
That is simply impossible here! Which is euphoric, enthusiastically energizing, and puts me quite efficiently at ease. All attendees are leaders, especially spiritually. So God is, and has been, teaching me what my place in the Body is....on His terms, as He wants it. For far too long, i have been realizing, i have adapted or been a 'chameleon' in relation to what was needed in a group dynamic.
How does that look? Like August Rush, frankly. [for those who haven't seen it, a young boy is blessed with hearing music in the world around him and it streams out of him onto the parchment as he composes beautiful music of his own] The thoughts and words have been streaming into and out of my brain like a torrential monsoon....and during class it has felt like hydrogen bombs going off with connections from the curriculum to Scripture, books presently and previously read, life stories/experiences, and the conglomerate of useless facts and random axiomatic anecdotes that so plentifully populate my cranium!
There is of course a double meaning, if you will, in this blog's title...as multitudes of interested observers have been beseeching me concerning my future plans, beginning in August. Whatever the case, i will be August at Focus for the next few months, and come August...at Focus? or August at focus in another place and endeavor.....i am praying earnestly concerning this though God has been and is continuing to show me His plans for my life.
Whatever or wherever i am in life, God wishes my intellect, articulation, and interpersonal skills to be used Soli Deo Gloria!
And may your exposure to these ramblings direct you Heavenward as well!
--Matthew.....becoming August
Thank you Rae, and Dave, for propelling me onto this blogging thing....this is merely an overview....this weekend i will attempt to recount the events i have been journaling....God has continually been surprising me, its been spooky, quite frankly.
The purposes for me being here were reinforced and more intensely articulated during the first weekend, which was mainly orientation activities. We did team-building activities outdoors, listened to a few introductory informal lectures from staff, and began to become acquainted with each other. It seemed to me that God was telling me that an extremely large part of bringing me here was to teach me to trust people again....new people--'strangers.' That is not to say all strangers can be trusted of course. However, there is a degree of safety and security, spiritually speaking, here that I have not sensed before....even at Summit.
This makes sense, as God has grown the ministry from a 2-room office in 1977 with a scant few part-time employees to an international conglomerate boasting over 1300 employees and a budget reaching into the hundreds of millions each year. My initial reaction was....thank you, God, for being so patient with me and giving me an opportunity to learn your ways again in this arena of my life. The other purpose explicitly revealed was that I have always either been put in the place, or taken the place myself, of attempting to 'do everything' in relation to whomever i am working with, matriculating in school with, or doing church and/or life with.
That is simply impossible here! Which is euphoric, enthusiastically energizing, and puts me quite efficiently at ease. All attendees are leaders, especially spiritually. So God is, and has been, teaching me what my place in the Body is....on His terms, as He wants it. For far too long, i have been realizing, i have adapted or been a 'chameleon' in relation to what was needed in a group dynamic.
How does that look? Like August Rush, frankly. [for those who haven't seen it, a young boy is blessed with hearing music in the world around him and it streams out of him onto the parchment as he composes beautiful music of his own] The thoughts and words have been streaming into and out of my brain like a torrential monsoon....and during class it has felt like hydrogen bombs going off with connections from the curriculum to Scripture, books presently and previously read, life stories/experiences, and the conglomerate of useless facts and random axiomatic anecdotes that so plentifully populate my cranium!
There is of course a double meaning, if you will, in this blog's title...as multitudes of interested observers have been beseeching me concerning my future plans, beginning in August. Whatever the case, i will be August at Focus for the next few months, and come August...at Focus? or August at focus in another place and endeavor.....i am praying earnestly concerning this though God has been and is continuing to show me His plans for my life.
Whatever or wherever i am in life, God wishes my intellect, articulation, and interpersonal skills to be used Soli Deo Gloria!
And may your exposure to these ramblings direct you Heavenward as well!
--Matthew.....becoming August
Thank you Rae, and Dave, for propelling me onto this blogging thing....this is merely an overview....this weekend i will attempt to recount the events i have been journaling....God has continually been surprising me, its been spooky, quite frankly.
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