...for the future to be revealed. I know, i know, God is faithful and probably just teaching me more patience. I think I'm scared i won't get into John Jay, to tell you the truth. If i don't, then seemingly all the decisions i've made up until now will be succeptible to criticism. Which, i suppose, is the lesson God wants to teach me....if He doesn't provide the way, i need to be ready, willing, and able to handle and deal with criticism.
Graduation banquet was really unbelievably a fabulous time! They seated me next to the machete and lipstick man himself....that's right--Del Tackett. As president of the Institute, he was giving the keynote address. Our table had good conversation with him--though he was gone for a good portion of the meal, dealing with issues that came up. Anyway, he emphasized the importance of not settling for less than God's specific, UNIQUE calling on our lives!
This was encouraging for many reasons, not the least of which was the fact that Kyle's last words to me before leaving Illinois were "Matthew, don't settle for being a king if God's calling you to be a farmer [or some other more remedial occupation]". This was almost spooky to me, as Del used the farmer as his example as well. I think for me something in the government/public service sphere is the 'farmer,' occupation--its serving other people and using my gifts in ways that are selfless and frankly, usually uncomfortable to me. I have to depend on God, and learn to be sufficient in a blood-thirsty, usually cuthroat environment.
I'm looking at spending some time in the policy department here if John Jay doesn't work out. Have much work to do on my graduate school applications--letters to get from recommenders, and the GRE to study for [and maybe the LSAT again]. So my plate is full...i'm staying on in a work-study capacity for Focus for the month of August. The end of our time here was somewhat emotional....some of the letters and notes i got from fellow students really touched me in a unique way. We had a bonfire out at a friend's parents' house, as well. It was really a wonderful time...we ended our experience with a worship time led by a musically talented student.
My heart is somewhat torn, but believe God wants me here in the springs for at least another few months, possibly a year. Who knows. Every time i think i have a long-term vision, it gets changed or scrapped. I'm recovering tomorrow from not having gone to bed before 1:30 am for the previous 10 days....thats how busy things have been, between school, social activities, meetings, time with people, lunches, etc., etc. Its been ridiculous. This weekend at Breckenridge will be a much-needed and deserved time of rest and, mainly, catching up on sleep! And of course, beating my head against the wall on the John Jay Institute application.
Well, hope everyone is doing well....if you're reading this, please pray for me over the next month....it is going to be a crucial one. i've already felt this from various sides and in numerous ways....especially spiritually and emotionally.
--August...at Focus...in August
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