...law school is making me concise. I don't like this. I do, and i don't. It is channeling my words and thoughts into something more compact, fluid, useful, practical. However, the frenetic pace is threatening, or at least attempting to encroach upon, my identity, my schema for life and how it is lived. For this, i will not stand.
Law school requires sifting. It requires stability. If you don't come into it grounded, you'll be annihilated. It, like marriage, or children, or military service, or golf, is a magnifier of what is going on with your life. What is happening with me is that i am realizing that i am truly in a new place. The old motivators of fear, desire for approval, competitive edge, and thoughts of inferiority to peers are gone, washed away by waves of God's movement in my life over the years. What is left is....
...a smooth, sandy beach of unbridled and unparameterized possibilities.
This, i am finding, is perhaps the hardest thing for me to handle in life. FREEDOM.
Don't get me wrong, i handle it in relationships, socially and spiritually, and in many ways, emotionally, etc. But, intellectually...not so much. So much of my intellectual struggle has been about getting out of the cage, seeing things from a new angle, etc., that now it seems only that Ecclesiastes 12:12-13 is left...merely to obey God is the duty, the obligation. Further still, it is simply new for me to have the ability to determine and chart a new life course....a new place of love and growth and the freedom to be myself, with my mind. To love Him with all my mind, that is my aim, and privilege, and honor...
2 comments:
Matthew Morgan! Do you realize I check your blog all of the time! I'm glad you have posted and to hear that you you are alive! You are dearly missed in Colorado! :)
i had no idea you read this! good to know...
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