so i'm standing out in right field, not having played softball for 7 years--summer of 2002 it was, in Washington D.C. i'm here in Malibu, and there's a 'Shiek' [not kidding] in a Rolls-Royce [i'm guessing the vanity plate is truthful...] in the parking lot. It is, after all, Malibu.
Anyway, i just struck out. As in, not even uncorrdinated girls who don't even care if they hit the ball strike out. Not being sexist here--just saying, if girls can hit the ball, guys who play sports regularly should be able to...
God says: YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED IN SEVEN YEARS.
Me: ok.
God: what do you expect?
Me: expect perfection you mean...?
God: why expect ANYTHING?
Me: so this is about...
God: yep. The relationship you think you want.
Me: *light bulb
God: just focus on hitting the ball....
Me: as in...not where to hit it, or getting a hit, or...
God: just MAKE CONTACT.
one week later:
so i show up really wanting to hit the ball. And then it hits me: i can't do so without practice. So, i ask the other bench player on the team if she'll throw some soft-toss for me. To make a long story short, it helped. A LOT.
My first at-bat i actually made contact with the ball, with the bat that was in my hands. Shocking, i know :) I popped up, and was aboard on first base, when they threw out someone at second. Oddly, i scored a run. Oddly, the next time up, i did NOT score a run, after hitting the ball hard into the gap and getting an actual 'hit.'
The incrementalism blew me away. If you're striking out, the best you can hope for is to first hit the ball. Maybe just a foul tip. Then, perhaps to hit the ball hard. After that, perhaps to get a hit. You cannot skip steps. Not if you haven't picked up a bat in 7 years, anyway.
So God taught me a lot. I need to take the same incremental approach regarding dating. Just seek Him, obey Him. If He says swing, do it, just hoping to make contact. If not, don't. I haven't swung in 7 years and it's going to be ugly when i do, most likely. If the girl cannot see through that, then that's alright, and i'll get better. One day, a hit is coming. I don't know when, or how, but i know that it is. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen.
Can't see it yet...or, as the song that my Electrified Sister the Rainbow-Personality Law Princess [ESRPLP for short] shared with me says "i just haven't met you yet" by Michael Buble.
Strangely, peculiarly, when i listened to the song, i realized: there was no doubt in me.
Why? Because God was gracious enough to speak into the greatest weakness in my life, and give me an answer. Not a self-gratifying answer. The truth. It created peace, comfort, calm, strength, and love. Love for a God who can see, and has seen, my entire life. Love for a God who does not want me to settle for less than His best. Love for a God who has things in me He wants to share with a lady who will appreciate them, and be protected and loved by my waiting, and growing, and trusting in Him which i cannot see.
And speaking of appreciation...this goes out to amazing Christian young ladies who, through merely a few incidental comments, actions, etc. have defused much of the frustration i often vent toward the general lack of appreciation that Christian ladies often have for us guys.
To Grace the soft-spoken Lion Huntress....to that jewel of a country girl who is a true sports fan, to that basketball-loving warrior of truth with equal parts ferocity and tenderness, and to my fellow overgrown child who set free my inner child, thank you all for things you probably did not even realize you said that kept me afloat over these past few years. It has been a wild ride. I used to think that single girls never noticed a guy's character. At least, not to the level that these ladies have....thank you for appreciating the battles, and how fierce they often are, and perhaps most of all for understanding when you don't understand how tough it is. For so long i have felt like that foolish soldier guarding a post for years past, on an island, never being told the war is over. The battles may be being lost all around me, but the war is never over till death. As long as i have breath in my body, i will fight to live out God's calling in every area of my life--even the one which seems the most pointless. One day, it will all be worth it. Or not. But it will still have been worth it.
And Evvvvvaaaaaaaaa........CONGRATULATIONS! You and Jacob are going to do awesome!!! I'm sick of attending weddings, but for you guys, i'll gladly fail a final or two....
[And thank you for your wise words and encouragement that did challenge me, but also gave me permission to be myself--thank you for acknowledging the good things God has refined in me...you have no idea how much it got me through the mass of confusion in my head that swarmed around from last December through April....and in case you were curious, those situation make surprisingly simple sense to me now!]
Haha...what a kind and patient God we serve! He's never late, and He's always right. Which is why it's tough being in relationship with Him, for among other reasons. And, why He matches us each up with imperfect people....because none of us live a Hollywood romance....and believe me...most people in Hollywood are miserable...
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