Do i stay or do i go?

After an intense journey of almost two years, i feel as if i just hit a brick wall while doing 100 mph. Actually, an uncle's business had a driver in a trailer get hit from behind by a BMW X5 sport utility vehicle that was doing 80+ mph. There were no skid marks. The guy is still in ICU i think. Well, i feel a little bit like that guy, emotionally speaking. When i came out here i thought i was smack in the middle of God's will, and now i feel like i've heard wrong, and i should have gone to Rochester for just an MBA. I'd be almost halfway to done with school by now, and actually enjoying the coursework. Of course, the weather stinks and its a more hostile environment and in all probability if i were there right now i'd be wishing i'd have come to Pepperdine. I just don't understand what God's doing with me. Breaking me down more, that's for sure. The one bright spot was when a female classmate invited herself over to bring me chicken soup in the middle of my sickness. I felt a little bit invaded, in the end, but it certainly could have been worse. She genuinely cared about me, and it soothed my soul in a way i have not felt for years.

It made me realize just how much all i've ever wanted is to be able to have a family and nothing seems farther away. I don't mean that i was thinking specifically about this girl, i simply mean that i cannot remember the last time even a friend did something girlfriend-esque for me. It awoke a part of my soul that has been in hibernation, shivering in the block of ice that has been solidifying for nearly a decade. To have some warm rays shine on it is a welcome experience, enough to assauge my grieving.

I think i'm grieving my dreams. Everything seemed perfect when i came here, and i projected myself, at worst, to be meandering through in the middle of the class. To be below that has been and is quite a shock, and i'm left wondering why, Lord, did you bring me here? I would feel better if i didn't feel at peace at the end of last semester, but i did. It felt like the most successful semester of my life--more than any of those in which i got perfect grades in college or high school, etc.

Anyway, whatever the case, i know He's on the throne and has everything written out already. I just want to be doing what He wants, and am questioning if i really am doing that, now....