Oddities

When there's nothing left to do...that's where grace begins.

When there's nothing left to say....that's when understanding often begins.

When there's nothing left to be...that's often when we find ourselves.

When there's nothing left....He begins.

He begins to build, to work, to make something out of a someone who has been made nothing first, so said Luther.

I'm beginning to think that's my main problem--that i tried to be something. That i thought me being here was something, that He was making something out of me. But it's not happening; at least, not in terms of being 'a success,' or classes, or achievement in terms of the world.

Words are not coming to me and i do not know why. I've never been unable to write--certainly not like this. It's like something big is coming around the bend, and i've thought and felt that for a while, and am thinking that could be the reason for all this.

Most of all, it appears and feels as if this was just a stepping stone, to something else which is what i'm actually supposed to do--who i'm supposed to be. The most contemplative/potentially disturbing thought is that, if i'm supposed to get a law degree, shouldn't i be upset or emotionally affected by that not happening? Because i'm not at all. I'm totally at peace, and if anything, i'm only disturbed by what getting a degree might actually lead to in my life.

I've never been in this position before, but i think i'm actually living life from my deep true self, and it doesn't look pretty in the ways it used to--i'm not perfect, and i don't think the way everyone wants me to, and i simply don't fit in. I'm the odd-looking one that stands out and looks well, odd...